Final Fantasy: Royal Flush
by Edgeofursoul
Summary: The best heroes from FF VII,VIII,X and XII are back and this time it's not personal... it's poker! Shuffle up and deal!Rated for some language and slight sexual themes.
1. Part I

**PART I**

"Strife's delivery service, we are unavailable to take your call due to conditions beyond our control. Leave a message and we'll be sure to get back to you shortly... thank you." Tifa's too polite voice is heard faintly from the machine upstairs after the ringing phone went unattended. "Cloud are you sure this is a wise decision? I mean taking a day off, and one of our busiest at that..." That same voice, sans the polite tone, began then trailed off as she noticed he was drawn into one of Barret's long yet entertaining stories but she stopped listening after the words hoes and orgy came up too many times for her liking. She finished pouring drinks and after setting one in front of each of their sitting guests she punched Cloud softly in the arm but still deep in thought or maybe too involved in the escapades of his friend, it failed to gain his attention.

Finally he turned her way just as she gave up and started to aimlessly wipe the bar with an already dirty rag. "Relax... it's just one night and besides, you need this as much as the rest of us. We can't save the world everyday... even Mario takes time off from rescuing the princess." He laughed at his own joke but unfortunately not many in the room share his humor. He ignored the stares and focused on the business at hand. "Ok guys, you know the drill, five card draw, no wilds and a max bet of fifty thousned gil." He makes eye contect with each player as he deals. Tidus looks a bit too eager and quickly scoops up his first card and stares at it in dismay. Balthier is still chatting with Yuna and probably didn't even hear Cloud's little speech. Next is Squall, leaning dangerously far back in his chair as Tifa admonishes him to get his boots off the table. Again her words go unheard, causing her to toss her hands up in frustration while uttering several things but no one really cares. Squall just stares directly across at Cloud presumably to make sure he doesn't cheat. Cloud is quick to notice and glares right back. "Geez, I dealt from the bottom just one time and now I'm branded a cheater for life?" Squall smirks in return. Auron peers over his sunglasses at one then the other, perhaps waiting for a brawl like the last time. Meanwhile Barret taps each card, trying to make them lucky.

Tidus throws down some gil and it is matched by all but Barret who's strategy apparently has its' share of flaws. He chugs the rest of his beer as the remaining players discard and draw. Tidus bounces his leg up and down as he makes his bet. On the opposite side the of the spacious bar, the ladies gossip and secretly make fun of the intense expressions on the guys' faces. "Could they possibly look any more serious? You'd think they were performing brain surgery" Rinoa said after a few lingering sips of wine. The other girls giggled which prompted Cloud glare in their direction and Barret flashes his middle finger. "You do realize we can still hear you, right?" Squall asks without taking his eyes off his hand, all the while flipping one chip in air repeatedly. Auron almost smiles and throws his cards in. "Let them have their fun." Rikku giggles and winks at Auron, "Thanks cutie oottie!" Squall rolls his eyes. "How did you ever put up with her for 40 plus hours..." He managed to mumble low enough that she couldn't make it out. Auron simply leaned back and answered him. "She wasn't bad when we were alone... then she could be as loud as she wanted." He somehow stated in his gravelly voice without smiling on the outside.

Cloud matches the current bet. "Whatcha got?" He turns his gaze to Tidus who proudly throws down a pair of aces. Balthier flashes three Queens which sends Tidus into a rant that everyone ignores. Cloud keeps Squall in his sights. "Show me the goods Squall or are you bluffing like always?" Squall casually throws his hand face up, three twos and two eights. "Full house? Damn." Auron said as he stood to grab another drink yet was met halfway by Tifa who cheerfully handed him a refill. "Hmm way to make it obvious Tifa... and everyone always wondered why we never hooked up." Cloud blurted out but Tifa was quick to respond. "Maybe because you ARE gay?" After which she stuck out her tongue. "Ok ok, we've reached the quota for gay jokes tonight geez." Cloud stood up to say then sat back down to make sure he made his point. "Is that because it's childish or because they are always about you?" Squall had a point. "Ok mister I have a scar and brood alot so I must be a manly man. Anyway you can wipe that smug look off your face." Cloud lets his cards do the rest of the talking for him, tossing down five spades and rakes in the pot while staring at Squall through haughty eyes.

'What a man' starts playing and Squall answers his cell. "Yo... yeah no prob." He gets up while Cloud shuffles, still gloating with annoying "In your face!" chants until Barret points his gun arm directly at him. "No, my friend, in YOUR face." Squall throws in a cd and takes his seat again. A familier orchestral score blares into the room. Balthier looks perplexed but Tifa and Cloud give Squall dirty looks. Squall responds by moving his hands in the air like a conductor as the crescendo vibrates throughout. Right on cue the front door is kicked open by a black boot. All eyes look upon him, some with disgust, others with surprise but Cloud is the first on his feet. "SEPHIROTH! You bastard! Get the hell out!" The newcomer steps in completely unharmed by Cloud's objection but before he can speak again Sephiroth holds up his hand. "Shhh This is my favorite part." His name echos out of he speakers until Cloud throws his chair into the stereo creating huge sparks and a weird static. "You were NOT invited" was heard through Cloud's gritted teeth. "Oh come now. That's no way to treat a guest. Just because you yourself didn't invite me doesn't mean no one did." That classic harmonic tone causes more seething from Cloud. They all look at eachother until Squall calmly stands and pounds fists with Sephiroth followed by a secret hand shake.

Several minutes later when they finished their greetings Squall finally notices everyone staring. "What? We went to the same fraternity, we go way back. This dude can seriously float a keg by himself... he was legendary!" Sephiroth gives a slight bow at Squall's comment then pulls up chair and plops his feet on the table. Tifa lets out a low growl as Cloud pouts.

Finally they resume the game as Cloud reluctantly deals Sephiroth in. "That's not fair! Why does he get to play and I don't?" Yuna is heard complaining from across the room. "Ummm I don't know, perhaps it's the fact that he's a man." Balthier answered as sarcastically as humanly possible but Yuna refused to concede. "But Tidus... You said if I did that thing you liked then you would let me play!" She whined and almost teared up. "Sorry babe, but it's Cloud's rules." He tried to console her but she jerked her hand away. Barret seemed to be deep in thought then looked at her. "Sooooo what's the 'thing' he likes?" Tidus was first to respond, rather nervously. "Ummmm nothing, nothing special." Yuna laughed at that. "He likes it when I summon the Aeons so they can watch us in bed..." Tidus was quick to cover her mouth. Cloud fell out of his new chair laughing. "Dude, that's sick!" He blurted out amid even more laughter and snickering. "At least I LIKE women!" Tidus said with much distain which was met with Cloud slamming his fists to the table vibrating the chips and cards. "What's that supposed to mean you little..." He then noticed everyone looked in agreement. Silence overtook them until Auron shattered it. "So you like them watching you? I don't get the fun in that." He stroked his chin as if still running it over in his head. Squall spoke up next. "Hmmmmm Yeah, me either and I've done some messed up shit." Rinoa backed his story up. "That's true." she said as she looked at the other ladies. "He's a total freak!" The last word was whispered but everyone heard and wished they hadn't.

Tifa just shook her head. "These nights used to be more fun when Aerith was here..." She realized too late that wasn't the best thing to say as all the remaining fun drained from her guests' faces. Everyones' gaze switched to Sephiroth who feels the weight of their hatred after several seconds pass by. "What?? ...Oh come on, do we have to go through this everytime I see you guys? Whatever happened to forgive and forget?" "Ummmm I dunno... maybe because you freakin' killed her!" Cloud's face became that of a warrior as he nearly jumped across the table. "Big deal, it's not like you had a chance with her so actually it's kinda like I did you a favor. Plus you killed me... twice! But you don't hear me bitchin' about it all the time, Cloud." Sephiroth coldly stated. "What do you mean I didn't have a chance with her? We were perfect for eachother!" Tifa stabbed a knife into the counter at Cloud's words then she looked around to make sure no one was paying attention.

"Ok, well I wasn't going to tell you this but before she died she did utter a name... but alas, not yours." "LIAR!" "Sad to say I'm not lying but trust me you don't wanna know who's name it was." "WHO!?" Sephiroth smiled as Cloud's contempt for him increased. "The name was... Auron. Of course at the time I had no idea who it was but now I see why she chose him over you... that must really sting huh" Amusement abounded in his face and continued to radiate thoughout his body until he let loose an audacious room filling laugh then grabbed the deck and started dealing out the next hand.

Silence washed over the group. The only sounds remaining are that of sighs and the occasional clink of chips being tossed to the middle of the table. The hand went quick with only Sephiroth and Auron left after betting. Both had three of a kind but Sephiroth's kings beat Auron's queens. The women began chatting again and Rikku finally convinced them to play jenga after they all ignored Barret's suggestion of naked twister.


	2. Part II

**PART II**

After being delt another hand Cloud places his cards down then tosses in the current bet and goes to grab yet another drink, never taking his eyes of his rival. Balthier dropped out while muttering something too low to hear and leaned over watching the women intently. Sephiroth raised and the rest followed suit. Tidus seemed a little too overjoyed at his luck and feverishly shifted his eyes to each of the remaining players. Squall was the one to raise this time which prompted Barret and Auron to drop out. Tidus still had the look of a ten year old on christmas morning. "Ok I see your twenty thousand gil and I raise you a chocobo." Tidus was indeed very proud of himself but Squall raised an eyebrow. Cloud nearly spilled his drink while returning to the table. "What? Nobody wants that fleabag." "Oh come on! Last week you let Wakka put up his hair gel... geez." Tidus finally lost that happy little boy look. "But it was a full day supply and for Wakka that was a freakin' truckload." Squall was quick to respond but Tidus was even faster to fire back. "But Sunshine is the best chocobo ever!" That inspired much laughter followed but Barret's reply. "Dude, why did you name him sunshine?" "He was always bright and cheery, duh!" Tidus stated matter of factly. Cloud stood up and shook his head. "But he's a black chocobo!" "Dammit, I hate black chocobos!" Squall bluntly said without thinking it through to which Barret was quick to jump on. "Oh here we go!" "Hey I said CHOCOBO!" "Yeah and last week it was clubs and spades you hated..." Barret actually had a point. Squall sighed heavily and ran his gloved fingers through his hair slowly, leaning back on his chair. "... But what about how you always lose your white chips on purpose." "That's cuz they are bad luck... just gives you the illusion that you actually have alot of money..." Squall rolls his eyes and glances at an eeriely solemn Sephiroth before shooting Barret with rays of contempt. "And that's not racist?" Auron was the first to speak. "Quit throwing you own flaws to other people, besides, they are just poker chips." "But black cards and chocobos are the same thing as that... oh forget it." Squall gives up the losing battle and places all hope in the cards.

They all proceeded to discard and were given the ammount they asked for. "So where's Vincent?" Barret questioned after finally noticing his unusual absense. Cloud was the only one with an answer. "He had a hot date... some bunny chick or something." At that Balthier stood. "Hmmmm it seems I must be going." "Why? Your mommy callin' ya?" Tidus mocked him while still looking at his cards as if willing them to win. Cloud again chimed in with all the answers. "Relax flyboy, It's not Fran and I think she was just dressed as a bunny... or maybe she's a playboy bunny... you know Vincent, always gotta be so cryptic and mysterious... Thinks it makes him cooler than the rest of us." After making his over the top gestures he sat back down and Baltier followed suit. "You have to admit though, he does have the ladies' appeal." Barret stated as fact. "Maybe it's the red cape." Sephiroth threw his opinion in. Cloud nearly slammed a stack of chips in the pot to scare the rest. "Oh please, that ragged thing!? He looks more like a bag lady if you ask me." The remaining three players matched his bet without hesitation. "What about that time when we showed up early and caught you in that dress?" Yuna seemed to appear out of nowhere to Cloud who curses her under his breath. "Why does everyone like to turn everything against me, geez, I told you a million times... It was laundry day. That was a momento from Aerith and everything else I owned was in the wash!" He harshly spit it out defensively. Tifa wrapped her arms around him from behind. "So how come it fit you so well?" The last few words were said between giggles. "I am not on trial here! Show me what you got people." He focused back to the game.

Tidus flashes a two through six straight along with a killer smile. Squall throws his two pair in disgust while Sephiroth gazes tauntingly at Cloud. "Show me yours and I'll show you mine, Cloud." His voice becomes overly sinister. "Fine, you pathetic excuse for a villian. I've got four kings... suck on that, big guy!" Cloud grabs the enormous pot of chips but is stopped in his tracks as Sephiroth holds his cards for all to see. "Four queens..." Cloud's smile widens. "Ha! I win!" Again Sephiroth stops him from raking in the winnings. "Cloud... look at the fifth card in my hand... it's a king... Cloud, there are not five kings in a deck." He calmly stated as everyone else gasped and pointed fingers. Barret was the first to accuse. "Dammit Cloud, we told you not to cheat!" Cloud tried to refute the allegations but no one gave him the chance so he leapt clear across the table and speared Sephiroth to the ground, silver hair flowing aimlessly in all directions then cascading downward.

Both men struggle and roll across the floor as the rest of the group just stare in awe execpt Squall who continues to clap through the entire throwdown. Cloud gets to his feet but Sephiroth kicks him into the glass case containing his first buster sword. He collapses and the blade falls and lands on the hero's head. Sephiroth stands and casually wipes off his pants then calmly collects his winnings at the table through the silence. "Ummmm does anyone have a phoenixdown?" Tifa finally broke the stillness but Cloud started to move. "I'm ok... but he's not!" Again Cloud lunges at Sephiroth with the sword. He misses but managed to cut his enemy's sleeve causing cards to spill out to the floor. "Told ya I wasn't the cheater! This is why you're never invited." Sephiroth smirked. "You're always good for a laugh Cloud... and because of that, I will spare your life... this time." The coldness returns to his face in waves. Before he can even approach the door a loud knock is heard.

Sephiroth peeks through the window. "Some blonde chick... no wait... I think it's a guy... maybe..." Balthier snaps his head around and speaks in a low whisper. "Everyone get down and be quiet... that annoying brat follows me every where. If we ignore him he'll go away... eventually." Sephiroth lacked the patience needed for that particular plan and instead grabbed Cloud's sword from him, opened the door and without any hesitation he impaled Vaan with the huge yet slightly rusted blade and tossed his corpse onto the freshly mowed lawn. He looked back at everyone gaping at him. "I'll bill you later." He vanished before anyone gained their speech back. Tidus spoke first. "I wonder if he would kill Sora for me..." Yuna smacked the back of his head. "What did he ever do to you?" "Isn't it obvious? He stole my style! Plus what the hell kind of weapon is a key?? LAME!" This time Squall smacked him. "That's my cousin, asshole!"

"Ok, intermission is over punks. Time for the next hand." Cloud cleared his throat and methodically wiped the blood from his face and arm. "Cleanup on isle seven... Tifa, be a dear and sweep up this glass would ya?" His poor excuse for a request is met with her unrelenting glare. "I'm not your mother nor your maid..." Yet again her protests go unheard. Just as her fist closes tight with evil intentions, Cloud is saved by an appearently drunk Rikku jumping on the bar and attempting to dance. Rinoa falls backwards out of her chair with laugher while Yuna spews her drink in Tidus' face. "Sephiroth left too early man, it's just starting to get good." Squall stated with a smile. "True dat... hand me some ones." Barret chimed in. Cloud ,as the only guy not staring at Rikku shaking it and nearly falling off the bar, dealt everyone in.

Tidus as usual liked his hand, Balthier kept his face blank even when watching the 'enertainment', Squall didn't even notice the cards yet and Auron gave his hand a hard glance. Barret continued giving Rikku encouragement, nearly ignoring his cards. Cloud apparently had enough with her distractions and banged the table to gain everyone's attention. "Are you in or out people, this isn't highschool, and she's just a tease." The players all agreed to continue but Rikku wasn't giving up the spotlight that easily. "Ok Cloud, you win but just to make things interesting... the winner of this round gets to take me home." She exclaimed with glee. "Now we have ourselves a game!" Barret suddenly became interested in the game once more.

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_A/N- This was supposed to just be a oneshot but it got out of hand so I split it up into two parts. I'll continue it as long as people demand it but I might not get the chance to update too often._


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